He takes a sip and always sends it back

31 Dec 21


There aren't many songs in which lawyers are portrayed in a positive light. At best, lawyers are mentioned in order to depict someone in dire straits and desperate for legal help (see Warren Zevon's Lawyers, Guns & Money). At worst, lawyers are scapegoats for all of society's ills (see Tom PaxtonOne Million Lawyers).

The song My Attorney Bernie, by Dave Frishberg, is an exception. One of the better renditions of this song is here, by Blossom Dearie

I'm impressed
With my attorney Bernie
I'm impressed
With his influential friends
 
He's got very big connections
And I follow his directions
Bernie knows his way around
And so I always do what Bernie recommends
 
I am blessed
With my attorney Bernie
I'm impressed
With the way he runs the store
 
He's got Dodger season boxes
And an office full of foxes
It's amazing all the different things
Your average guy might need a lawyer for
 
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says, we sue, we sue
Bernie says, we sign, we sign
 
I'm in touch
With my attorney Bernie
In a clutch
He can speed right to the scene
 
And if I'm locked up in the jail
With just one phone call for my bail
He said to call his club collect
Or deal directly with his answering machine
 
And when I dine
With my attorney Bernie
He buys wine
From the rare imported rack
 
That's 'cause Bernie is a purist
And not your polyester tourist
Bernie waves the glass around awhile
Then takes a sip and always sends it back
 
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says, we sue, we sue
Bernie says, we sign, we sign
 
I admire
My attorney Bernie
I admire
Any guy who knows his stuff
 
Sure we blew a couple ventures
With counterfeit debentures
But you win a few, you lose a few
Like Bernie says, "You keep on hanging tough"
 
Thanks to you
My attorney Bernie
Thanks to you
I'm considered well to do
 
Sure I made out like a bandit
Just exactly like you planned it
But like Murray, my accountant
Told me yesterday, I owe it all to you.
 
Bernie tells me what to do
Bernie lays it on the line
Bernie says, we sue, we sue
Bernie says, we sign, we sign
 
On the dotted line.